The other night I had a divorce party. I'm actually not technically divorced yet, but that night should have been the day when my divorce was final, if it weren't for my lawyer dragging her feet. So, my friends helped throw me a party. It was more of a remembering of how special I am, and to not make the same mistake twice. Er, ah, three times. It really was just a time to celebrate with good friends and good food. I did have a nice time. I was able to complain a little, and it felt good.
I'm not sure how I was suppose to feel after the party, but I do know that I was hoping that it would make all the problems go away. I wished that it would take away the hurt and I would magically be ready to move on. Sadly, none of those things happened.
However, I do feel like I'm in a better place.
While at the party, a friend of mine was talking about how she's friendly with her ex husband. They were married for 20+ years, before they divorced. I was thinking about that. Am I being childish for keeping things the way they are between my ex and myself? I mean how, exactly, am I suppose to be friendly with this man? He lies to me, he's seen other women, he's mean to me, he tries to still control certain situations to get what he wants...Really, the list could go on. In fact, just yesterday he called me a liar! He asked me why I was being so short with him. I told him that I haven't been short with him. He then sent me this single word text, "Liar." He followed it up with, "You're different with me lately and you know it." I didn't reply to him. What does he want from me? How am I suppose to act? Am I suppose to be his friend? Am I suppose to be sicky sweet to him? Am I suppose to talk to him like I care? He does none of those things for me. What exactly is the "christian" thing to do here? I wish I could be like my friend and her ex. I think the main difference between us is that her ex husband is not an asshole. Mine is.
That's not a nice thing to say, I know.
I really wish this were easier. I wish the party I had would make it all go away, I mean that would be the easy way, right? I will say, though, I was reminded of how much I am truly loved by those around me. And you know what? That gets me through to the next day. :)
