The other night I had a divorce party. I'm actually not technically divorced yet, but that night should have been the day when my divorce was final, if it weren't for my lawyer dragging her feet. So, my friends helped throw me a party. It was more of a remembering of how special I am, and to not make the same mistake twice. Er, ah, three times. It really was just a time to celebrate with good friends and good food. I did have a nice time. I was able to complain a little, and it felt good.
I'm not sure how I was suppose to feel after the party, but I do know that I was hoping that it would make all the problems go away. I wished that it would take away the hurt and I would magically be ready to move on. Sadly, none of those things happened.
However, I do feel like I'm in a better place.
While at the party, a friend of mine was talking about how she's friendly with her ex husband. They were married for 20+ years, before they divorced. I was thinking about that. Am I being childish for keeping things the way they are between my ex and myself? I mean how, exactly, am I suppose to be friendly with this man? He lies to me, he's seen other women, he's mean to me, he tries to still control certain situations to get what he wants...Really, the list could go on. In fact, just yesterday he called me a liar! He asked me why I was being so short with him. I told him that I haven't been short with him. He then sent me this single word text, "Liar." He followed it up with, "You're different with me lately and you know it." I didn't reply to him. What does he want from me? How am I suppose to act? Am I suppose to be his friend? Am I suppose to be sicky sweet to him? Am I suppose to talk to him like I care? He does none of those things for me. What exactly is the "christian" thing to do here? I wish I could be like my friend and her ex. I think the main difference between us is that her ex husband is not an asshole. Mine is.
That's not a nice thing to say, I know.
I really wish this were easier. I wish the party I had would make it all go away, I mean that would be the easy way, right? I will say, though, I was reminded of how much I am truly loved by those around me. And you know what? That gets me through to the next day. :)
First off you are definitely loved by your friends. Secondly, I think it's great that your friend is friends with her ex, but everyone's story is different. I don't think you and la douche are in a friends place yet, and I don't know if you ever will be. Why would you want to be friends with him? and would you be friends with him if you didn't have a baby together? I know in a perfect world he would not be la douche, but you live in a world where he's a jerk. Does being Christain mean you have to be friends with those who hurt you? Repeatedly hurt you, and don't seem to learn from the mistake?
ReplyDeleteI think what sucks about your sitch is that even when you are divorced you won't have closure. One day soon you will be back in family court defending yourself and protecting your child again. And like one of the freinds who has divorced said, you have to have a relationship with him for 16 years and some change. This process sucks and there is no good way to feel about this. But I would be really cautious around la douche. You are not friends, and most days of the week he is not civil. My favorite part of the divorce party was learning how to completely block him from facebook. It is calming to know that niether he nor his crazy sorta maybe girlfriend can no longer see anything at all about me. My second favorite part was watching you whack a douche (aka the pinata).
LMAO! 16 years, in 16 years you can ignore him when he tries to be nice, never have to answer another call or text, and can tell him to F*CK OFF when he tries to friend you on Facebook :) I tell you what, my boy's 18th birthday was the happiest day of my life...
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