Therapist

I felt like I vomited my last post. Sorry, I was angry, and I really needed to get it out.

Just like this next topic. This may not make any sense to anyone else, but I think I need to decompress my thoughts. (I will also be blogging about this on my other blog, but talking about non-divorce stuff there.)

I need to train myself on how to communicate with The Ex. I'm currently doing a poor job at communication. I feed into his anger. I fight back with him. I don't walk away. Today my therapist said that he is a dark person (his spirit), and that even the Bible says to stay away from those people-As far as everyday interaction, friendships and such. (Ha, ha, I'm justified!) So, the only time I need to talk to The Ex, is when it has to do with our son. I don't need to hear how he feels about me. I don't need to tell him how he makes me feel. There is no room for emotion here. If I need to apologize, simply say, "I'm sorry I offended you, I won't do it again." (Which I know he won't accept, since he frequently rejects insincere (to him) apologies.) When I need to email or text him, keep it to the point, don't offer anything extra. I tend to give away too much information. I do not have a relationship with him, therefor, there is no need to offer anything extra. And, by staying to the point, I'm not being rude. And if he thinks I am, WHO CARES! Clearly from my past experiences, I can't seem to make him happy. So, I need to take care of myself and not worry about him. Which is why I need to leave my emotions aside. He doesn't care about my emotions, even though he may say he does. His actions clearly show that he doesn't.

Now, all this sounds well and good, but I know it's going to be difficult. I've had friends tell me from day one to not argue back with him. He knows which buttons to push, which is why I keep engaging with him. I need to just let it go. Allow myself to be angry, allow myself the feelings, but then move on. Easier said than done.

My therapist also said I'm doing better than most other people going through divorces, better as in wanting to get better. She said that I'm wanting to heal and trying to be conscientious about what I do and say. She said she would have expected me to be where I am now, a year from now. Ooooh, to be a good student! ;)

Okay, so back to communication. If The Ex tries to engage with me, or asks me a question, I need to redirect him by asking him a question. If that doesn't work, be vague. If he still persists, set a boundary and say, "I don't really feel comfortable talking about that." Also, remember to keep it about our son only. This is going to be hard to do, clearly, since I failed at it this afternoon.

Oh, and one more thing I forgot about. I told her about the text The Ex sent me last night. She told me to not send him anymore information. If he wants to know something, he's going to have to ask.

Ha, take that Asshat!